Liverpool 1-2 Manchester United Jokes ( Mark Halsey edition )

BIRTH OF A NEW LEGEND 

•   I can see Ashley Young is doing a fine job teaching his teammates how to dive.. 

• It Seems Like Webb's Days Are Over At United...As There New Signing Mark Halsey Has perfomed Great In His Debut....Halsey Has take A Major Role In Winning 2:1 Against His Rival Liverpool As He Is The Man Of The Match...

•  Liverpool have answers for their 11 players out there but not for the twelfth man Mr - Mark Hasley . 

• It's difficult enough playing with 10 men against 11, but it's impossible against 12.

• Looks like Mark Halsey was graduated from 'Howard Webb's School of Refereeing' 

• Not Sure if Liverpool v/s Man Utd or Liverpool v/s Mark Halsey 

• Stupid Liverpool Supporters threatens Halsey by saying that they will destroy his car .
  Everyone knows he travel on Man United team Bus

EPL season Preview 2012/2013 (Contenders)

The best league in the world is about be kicked of in August , so lets take a look at four teams which appears to be major title contenders - Arsenal ,Chelsea , Manchester United & Manchester City . With Potential New Signings teams have caught imaginations of millions of Fans across the  world .

Arsenal

Arsenal might be the Dark Horse of  This Season .With  Great and experienced Signings like Podolski , Santi Cazorla & Olivier Giroud Professor Wenger has got Arsenal  Fans on their Toe .The team looks good enough to end their 7 year long trophy drought . their fixtures likely to aid them since they don't have any tough matches towards the end of the season ( the usually choke at the end ) . 

Positives - Style of Play , Vermalean , Young and enthusiastic Squad . 

Negatives - RVP Saga , Weak and injury prone full Backs , average Goal Keeper . 

Prediction - 4th Or 3rd Maybe

Chelsea

A potential new look for Chelsea This Season . Top Class signings in the form of Hazard and Oscar the Club managed to find Young replacements for their Legendary Old Guard ( Money talks) . Chelsea look like serious contenders for title this season . But the recent loses doesn't look like a Chelsea we used to know . yup i'm serious ....four back to back  loses is not we expect from a team which is the reigning European Champions ! 

Positives - The BUS , Midfield , Petr Cech & rejuvenated Torres , New signings 

Negatives - New squad needs time to gel , Novice coach , weak back Ups for defenders + fixture congestion  

Prediction - from 7th to 2nd (depending on how quickly the team would gel ) 


Manchester United 

Manchester United is an Unpredictable team . Only thing we can predict about them is that they will be in title race till the End . The team had Lose out on a few transfer deals Like Moura & Hazard but still manage to find able replacement in the form of Kagawa . The teams performance in pre season is not that convincing to be called as title contenders . 


Positives - Sir Alex Ferguson , Rooney , Kagawa .

Negatives - Squad Strength , Weak defense especially Full backs ,

Prediction - 2nd

Manchester City

Reigning Premier League Champions looks Like the team to beat This season . Their pre season was nothing less than the standard expected by them and was followed by a breath taking performance against Chelsea in Charity Shield . They have the best squad in the league by a mile and they look like the team to win EPL again .

Positives - Squad Strength , Bench Strength , Joe Hart & Yaya Toure

Negatives - Too many cooks spoil the broth so too many game changers some times end up in playing selfish . Otherwise a near perfect squad assisted by a world class manager .

prediction - 1st ( I can see them challenging the invincible status of arsenal )
 
 PS - Liverpool Under Brendan Rogers Looks lively so I think Liverpool might finish in top 4 knocking out one of these teams ..most probably CHELSEA 

Deserved Champions or Undeserved ?

So You say Bayern deserved it more than Chelsea . Well let me ask you Something .

If Cech guessed 6 penalties right and saved three of them , did  he deserve to be win Champions League o

Ashley cole made 8 important interception ( more than the whole Bayern squad . ) did he deserve the Champions league .

A team playing without their captain , their player of the year and their most influential defender on a final that too on opponents home ground still manage to come up with something . Don't they deserve it .

David Luiz and Gary Cahill players who played with hamstring injuries defended their area just like they were defending for their life , don't they deserve to be called worthy champions

18 corners wasted by Bayern , Chelsea got only one and they scored that one and you say the team who wasted 18 corners deserved it more than the team who took their only chance.

Bayern players were shooting stars and you say they deserve it more than Chelsea..Let me ask  ..why you say they deserve it ...is that for wasting the chances they got.

Let me ask Did Chelsea Cheat , Did Chelsea get any soft penalties , Did Any of Bayern's Goal was ruled out unfairly .. Then why do you say they don't deserve it .

So you are saying the team who wasted the chances they got (even the penalty) deserved the title more than the team who took their only chance and defended their post with their life.

One doesn't Simply bet against German teams in penalties .. And if a team could beat a German in shootout that too in their home ground didn't deserve the title then no one else do ! 

Dropping Webb Turned disastrous claims Ferguson

United Missed Their 12th man Badly last night

Sir Alex Ferguson has blamed his side’s humiliating defeat against Man City on the Premier League’s inability to field a referee who is a Man Utd fan.

Ferguson highlighted the absence of their talismanic decision maker, Howard Webb as a key factor in the outcome of the game. . Howard Webb would have gave us 2 penalties in similar cases (pointing out what Webb has done to the team in the Past against Chelsea ,Tottenham and Liverpool) .

The Referee was completely unbiased . How can he do like that . Any Referee would gave a red card to Kompany for that theatrical dive by Wayne Rooney . ( Lee Mason Against QPR ) . They were dominating possession at times why didn't he blow the whistle and award a freekick to Man United . Marriner was totally out of his mind . There were times when they made us look stupid and yet the referee’s done nothing to protect us.

The Goal should be Disallowed
                                 Sir Alex claims that the goal should be disallowed . He said that De gea is only twenty and how could someone head the ball that quick to my poor boy., Totally rapacious actions by the Man City player there . The Man City player should be send of for that . Its an absolute Disgrace . He claims that Yaya toure was too strong for his Midfielders . How could Mancini field a player of that strength in his Midfield . The result is really Unfair On us .

I tried a De Matteo And Failed
                        Sir Alex agreed his tactical failure on his match against Man City . I tried to park the bus (just like Chelsea did against Barcelona)  but then realized that Carrick is no Ramires and Rooney is no Drogba . Most Importantly De Gea is No Cech ! .

Fans View
“It doesn’t make any sense not to include Webbo.He could have turned it around for Man united " A hardcore man United supporter said this after the match . He was watching the match on TV at Pune India and was surprised by the exclusion of Howard Webb from the tie .

Lampard Or Gerrard - Who is better ?

This is one of the toughest of questions one would ever come across ( Unless you are A Chelsea or Liverpool fan )  . Without doubt they are one of the greatest players and legends for their respective clubs . Lets take a deep analysis into the statistics of each players .


Premier League stats
Lampard Apps - 518  , Minutes played - 43975 , Goals - 149, Assists - 114  , Minutes / Goal - 297

Gerrard Apps - 375 , Minutes played - 30898 , Goals - 87, Assists - 41  , Minutes / Goal - 355

In premier League Lampard definitely holds an edge over Gerrard  having scored more goals and 3 times more assists !

Advantage - Lampard

FA CUP & Carling Cup + Community Shield

Lampard Apps - 57  , Minutes played - 4550 , Goals -  32 , Assists - 16 , Minutes / Goal - 142

Gerrard    Apps - 26  , Minutes played - 1726 , Goals -  11 , Assists - 8 , Minutes / Goal -  156

Lampard has played almost twice matches than Gerrard but has three times more goals and wo times more assists than Gerrard

Advantage - Lampard

Continental Competitions ( UCL & Europa )Lampard Apps - 84  , Minutes played - 7101 , Goals -  21 , Assists -24 , Minutes / Goal - 338

Gerrard    Apps - 86  , Minutes played - 7227 , Goals - 25  , Assists - 15 , Minutes / Goal -  290

Gerrard has an Edge over Lampard in Continental matches but you must look on the fact that Lampard hasn't played in Europa but Gerrard has played 18 Europa league matches

Advantage - Gerrard 
Big Match Player
Gerrard is often known as big match player among these two now take a look at their statistics on high prolific opponents

Opponent 1 - Manchester United

Lampard - Apps - 34 Goals - 7 ,Assists - 5
Gerrard  - Apps - 27 Goals - 5 , Assists - 3

Advantage - Lampard 

Opponent 2 - Arsenal
Lampard - Apps - 34 Goals - 3 ,Assists - 7
Gerrard  - Apps - 25 Goals - 5 , Assists - 4

Advantage - Gerrard 
Opponent 3 - Liverpool or Chelsea 


Lampard - Apps - 42 Goals - 8 ,Assists - 6
Gerrard  - Apps - 31 Goals - 1 , Assists - 3

Advantage - Lampard 

Opponent 4 - Manchester CityLampard - Apps - 19 Goals - 7 ,Assists - 4
Gerrard  - Apps - 21 Goals - 5 , Assists - 2

Advantage - Lampard 

Opponent 5 - TottenhamLampard - Apps - 31 Goals -  9 ,Assists - 4
Gerrard  - Apps - 17 Goals - 2 , Assists - 2

Advantage - Lampard 

Opponent 6 - Barcelona , ACMilan , Bayern Munich , Real Madrid ,IntermilanLampard - Apps - 12 Goals - 6 ,Assists - 2
Gerrard  - Apps - 13 Goals - 4 , Assists - 0

Advantage - Lampard 

OverallLampard -   Goals - 40  ,Assists - 28
Gerrard  -  Goals - 22 , Assists - 14

Advantage - Lampard 

Even In big matches Lampard holds an advantage over So called big match player Gerrard !

You can argue as much as you want but its still a fact and stats prove that

 Lampard is better Than Gerrard  

Funny Fan Chants

# 1.  I can't win, I can't reign

I will never win this game
Without you, without you
I am lost, I am vain,
I will never be the same
Without you, without you.. Howard Webb
( Opponents fans singing at Man United fans with Howard Webb As Referee )


# 2 .  We r not racist we just hate manc..By liverpool..and in reply ..
You are scousers you only hate work..by city fans...( chanted during league cup semi final.. )


# 3 .   He's big he's red his feet stick out the bed he's Peter Crouch
             (when peter crouch was at liverpool )

#4.   "I wanna go home, I wanna go hooommmmmmeeee, its fucking freezing, I wanna go home 
    ( Man city fans singing  after 5 min of injury time during a match in winter )


# 5.   Stand up if you've paid your taxes 
( Stoke fans singing at Harry Redknap )


# 6.  He's bald, he's red, he sleeps in Fergies bed. Howard Webb, Howard Webb!!( Chelsea fans singing after 3-3 draw against United ) 

Which one is your favorite ? 

Andy Carroll Jokes (Part 2)

35 Million _ What a Joke 

#  Rumour has it that Andy Carroll’s girlfriend locked him out of their home last night. She painted a goal over the door & he couldn’t get in.

#   Kenny to Officer: ”I need you to arrest Andy Carroll, he’s useless!”
“On what grounds?”
-”All of them!”

#   Andy Carroll’s Text to Fernando Torres after the Chelsea-Aston Villa  game (Leaked):
”I thought we were friends.” :-(

#  The FA have brought in a new ruling. Anyone found passing to Andy Carroll will automatically receive a yellow card for time wasting.

#  Liverpool have offered to sell Andy Carroll back to NewcastleUtd for free. Newcastle have reported Liverpool for threatening behaviour.

# Andy Carroll has turned down being the new face of L’Oreal hair products as everyone burst into fits of laughter everytime he uttered the words “Because I’m Worth It!”

#  Reports indicate Muamba can breathe unassisted, recognise people and regained control of his limbs. Liverpool have offered a swap deal for Andy Carroll. 

Best of the best 

" I intended to walk in to the bench ( Andy Carroll defends himself after walking out through the tunnel ) " 

Why Manchester United Fans are the most Hated ones in the world

Typical Arguments by Manchester United Fans ! 

# David Luiz is a shit Defender 

 That's why Barcelona is offering 35 Million for him . If you call Luiz shit what will you Call Evans , Evra and Ferdinand 

# John Terry Sleeps with his team mates wife so he is not a Legend .

What about Ryan giggs you morons . 

# Ferdinand is Better Than John Terry .

 Bitch Please Terry has been selected as UEFA defender of the year 3 times which isn't bettered by None 

# Suarez hasn't shaked hands with Evra he should be sold 

What about those United players who refused to shake hands with Viera in the past . 

# Suarez is a Diver 

Rooney has been booked 4 times for diving , Nani has been booked 6 times , Chicharito has been booked 4 times & Suarez has been booked ...never ..and ya its a true fact . 

# Balotelli has been extremely disrespectful 

If Evra can celebrate Infront of Suarez why can't Balotelli 

# Cristiano Ronaldo Better than Messi 

Bitch Please !!!!!!!!!!!!! 

# Arsenal FC = RVP FC 

If Arsenal is one man team what about Man United . Take a look at Rooney and his goals and talk you bitches .

And finally when they are out of answers 

 # "Haters hate !! ur hate makes us stronger !! " #

For united fans information we dont care if u have more trophies than others or if u took take shit in the morning.first learn to respect other teams !!Even ur united team would be embarrassed if they know that idiots like u support their team !! 
"Give respect and take respect "!!

Apple products - Football Jokes !!

Apple announce varieties of new Tablets 

 Fernando Torres tablet - iMissed

Abramovich Tablet - iSacked

Mario Balotelli Tablet - iMad

Joey Barton Tablet - iBad 

Patrice Evra Tablet - iCunt 

Luiz Suarez Tablet - iDive

John Terry Tablet - iSlip

Andre Villas Boas Tablet - iCircus 

Van Persie Tablet - iScore 

Steve Kean Tablet - iStay 

PS : David De Gea Tablet - iCatch has been removed from market since it doesn't catch anything . 

English FA Introduced new rules for Man Utd Matches - JOKE

FA - Ferguson Association 

# Rule 1 - Any contact with Man Utd players inside the box is a penalty

# Rule 2 - Any Player who scores against man Utd will be banned for 3 matches since it cause psychological abuse to Man Utd Captain Patrice Evra

# Rule 3 - Chelsea and Newcastle should change the color of their kits since black color will cause Man Utd players a distraction  

# Rule 4 - Opponents players will get a yellow card for penalty appeals against Man Utd .

# Rule 5 - Man Utd players can Handle the ball . 

# Rule 6 - Man Utd Goalkeepers can touch the ball with their hand anywhere on the field (Irrespective of Inside or outside the box)

# Rule 7 - Howard Webb be the referee for all Man Utd Matches

# Rule 8 - Players have to request Man Utd players for giving the ball . Any Tackle or Push on Man Utd players will result in straight red

# Rule 9 - Blackburn should change their name to stay in the league . The word black in their is causing a distraction to United players

# Rule 10 - Any player dribbling past Evra will be accused for racist allegations !!

" Any Team still managing to beat Man utd will be relegated since everyone know its impossible to beat Man Utd without cheating  & yeah additional 35 points will be awarded to Man Utd every season becoz of their fair play  " 

Movies that describe footballers - Joke

 The Devils Reject- Andy Carroll & Fernando Torres

                                           
1. The Devils Reject- Andy Carroll & Fernando Torres

2. A Beautiful Mind- Arsene Wenger

3. Ice Age 3: Return of The Dinosaurs- Stoke City FC

4. Bride Wars- Suarez & Evra

5. The Terminator- Thomas Vermaelen

6. Diving With Sharks- Sergio Busquets

7. Planet of The Apes- Gareth Bale

8. The Specialist- Dennis Bergkamp

9. Lord of The Rings: The Return of The King- Thierry Henry & Scholes

10. Slum dog Millionaire- Samir Nasri

11. Catch Me If You Can- Theo Walcott

12.Scarface- Carlos Tevez & Frank Ribery

13. My Boss' Daughter- Sergio Aguero

14. Top Gun- RVP

15. Stuart Little- Andre Arshavin

16. Chamber of Secrets- Alex Oxlade Chamberlain

17. Shrek - Rooney 

MANU v/s LIVERPOOL : Five Incidents which are most likely to happen

 

1 . Welbeck will fall down on pitch atleast 10 times

                           This Man United lad is physically handicapped and is so weak that he cant stay on his feet for more than 10 minutes . No physical contact is needed for him to fell down . Dont call him a diver he fells down bcoz of  trap holes in opponents box which is invisible to others .
(50 % of Man Utd penalties this year is awarded for a foul on welbeck # fact ) 

2. Goal to Suarez or Rooney 

                           Either Rooney or Suarez or may be both of them has a chance to find the back of the net . Two lads will be on their inspired best tomorrow . Controversies make them sharp .

3. A goal keeping blunder
                        Pepe Reina and David De gea well well well both of them known for their blunders . Do I need to say more !!!!

4. Referee Mistakes
                               Phil Dowd will be officiating the match and high profile matches are likely to be filled with refereeing blunders . Trust me that blunder might be helping Manchester United .
( 95 % refereeing blunders in matches relating Man Utd goes in favor to the Red Devils. Dont know why ??? Well played or WELL PAID # fact ) 

5.  Controversies

              This is not a surprise most of the matches between Man United and Liverpool ends in high controversies . Man Utd might get another referee as their legend or Liverpool might get  another victim .

Most probable After match reactions

If man Utd win the match
Kenny Daglish " Its always hard to play 11 against 12 and get a result  "

If Liverpool win the match
Sir Alex " Its impossible to defeat Liverpool without Vidic , Nani And Howard Webb "

Final Champions League Spot

Four teams are fighting for that all important UCL spot - Chelsea , NewCastle , Liverpool and Arsenal Lets see who has the highest Chance for finishing in that spot .

Newcastle 

Positives - Alan Padrew , Demba Ba , Ryan Taylor , Tim Krul 

                                                 They play stylish Football . They have one of the best striker in the league . A super goal keeper and a creative defender in the form of Ryan Taylor . Their chances of finishing in that top four position depends on the form of Demba Ba.

  Negative- absence of Steven Taylor , strength of squad
                                  Steven Taylor will certainly be missed . They dont have a very big squad to cope up with the Big Guns . One or two injuries their hope are done

Verdict - Newcastle has the least chance of finishing in that top 4 position . Their squad strength  will be an Issue .

Liverpool

Positives - Steven Gerrard , Luiz Suarez , Bellamy & performance against Big Teams
                                                       The return of Steven Gerrard and Luiz suarez could be vital for Liverpool chances for finishing in top four. Only Man City (among top 4) had defeated Liverpool this year . they won 2 against Chelsea , 1 against Arsenal , 1 against Man Utd , 1 against City . This is the form that a team need to be in top four get vital points against rivals . 

Negatives - Andy Carroll , Performance against weak team , Poor assist from wingers .

                                                   Liverpool's performance against lower teams is a real concern , even last placed Bolton were able to walk away with all three points against them . Andy Carroll poor finishing could cost them badly . Downing and Henderson are not upto their mark still..

Verdict - 6th place + League cup

Arsenal 

Postives - RVP , Gervinho , Oxlade Chamberlien
                                                      RVP is on his career best form in Arsenal , The return of Gervinho from ANC is going to have a great effect on this team . and finally Oxlade Chamberlien . Like Arsene wenger has predicted before 2012 is going to Ox year , early signs shows that this prediction is going to be strong .

Negative - Inconsistent form and lack of luck
                                      Their inconsistent form, will win 7-1 today and lose 8-2 tomorrow , their season is like that . and spring isn't the good time for Arsenal , League leaders at this time last year and finished 4th at the end of the season .

Verdict - 5th or 4th (Depends upon the form of RVP and Ox )

Chelsea
Positives - Return of Essien , Juan Mata ,  return of Drogba , Spring  season
              Drogba's return from ANC could be a vital factor in Chelsea's UCL spot . This 33yr old striker's performance in ANC proves that there is still some fire left in him . Chelsea really had missed a player like Michael Essien through out the season . This box to box Midfielder could be vital . The inspiring form of Juan Mata  probably the signing of the season , Spring always favours Chelsea  were in a similar position last year still manage to bounce back and finish second .

Negative -  Dead weight , AVB ,Torres & Poor Conversion rate 
                                            Lack of efficient striker is affecting Chelsea badly . Chelsea and Manchester city have highest number of chances created and has the highest ball possession . 
when it come to percentage of chances converted they are sitting in 13th . Torres form has to  improve drastically . and Sturridge should know when to pass the ball . Likes of Malouda are doing good than bad . They could have played better with 10 men than having him as 11th one .

Verdict - 4th or 5th (Depends on Drogba's form and AVB's courage to bench important players)


# Interesting fact - Not even a single goal is scored by Chelsea strikers in 2012  still they are unbeaten this year .

Chelsea 3-3 Man Utd - Jokes

Worthy 12th Man

Pre match
#  ► Man Utd XI against Chelsea - De Gea, Rafael, Evans, Ferdinand, Evra, Valencia, Carrick, Giggs, Young, Welbeck,HOWARD WEBB, Rooney.

#  Howard webb would be awarded captains armband for Man Utd in their match against Chelsea 

#  Howard webb vowed Old trafford faithful that he would be back to his top form again. He is set to start for Man Utd in their match against Chelsea

Match 
#  now i understood why manu didnt buy so many players.....actualy they paid too much for referee

#  That cheeky halftime BJ that Fergie gave Howard Webb definitely paid off"- Mario Balotelli

#  Arsenal Fans: We Don't Need Batman, We Have Robin
Man United Fans: We Don't Need Spiderman, We Have Webb

#   ‎" I was thinking of taking the penalty myself, but it's a team game after all" - Howard Webb

# Stupid  Chelsea fans threatening to trash Howard Webb's car. Dont they know he travels on the United team bus 

Now the biggest joke of all 

We deserved two more penalties - Alex Ferguson 

Liverpool 2-1 Man United - JOKES

Dirk Kyut celebrating after scoring the winning goal against Man Utd 

# I would rather have a lampost in goal than having De Gea Under it - Alex Ferguson

# KENNY , Wenger , Fergie , Redknapp and Boas sitting in a pub .Wenger goes and buys the first round of drinks , Boas second , Redknapp 3rd , Fergie 4th and Kenny buys the next but fergie complains "Where's mine ?!" kenny replies "Sorry Pal, this is the 5th round and your not in it "...

# BREAKING NEWS: Dirk Kuyt is going to be suspended for 15 games for psychologically abusing Patrice Evra by scoring against his team

# Man Utd Fans slams Alex Ferguson for resting his key players in their match against Liverpool . Absence of Howard Webb and Chris foy was clearly visible through out the tie .

# Panasonic LED 11256 Euros 
Extra comfort Cushion 1346Euros 
Watching Man Utd losing due to Evra's Mistake ~ priceless

#  Its always tough to Visit Anfeild without Rooney, Nani and Chris Foy . 
( Alex Ferguson after Liverpool defeat )

#  The FA cup Match b/w Liverpool and Manchester United has been switched to Old Trafford due to a request from referee Howard Webb who said it was the only venue where he could ensure fairplay and get away with it 

A Competition - Manchester United Fans Joke

Default Champions since 1992 

DO YOU COME FROM MANCHESTER ?

DO YOU HAVE RELATIVES IN MANCHESTER ?

DO YOU LIVE NEAR MANCHESTER ?


If you say NO to these three questions, you are an ideal person to become a fan of MANCHESTER UNITED


Yes, this is your big chance to join the ever-growing army of glory hunters who can be seen around the country in the colours of The Sc*m. To join the newly-formed club, simply send in a map with a cross marking where you think the city of Manchester is. In the unlikely event of there being two correct entries and thus a tie, fill in the tie-break question at the bottom of the page.
* YOU COULD WIN *


FIRST PRIZE: Brand new, 'S' registration Ford Bandwagon for you and the others to jump on. This prestige vehicle comes with many features, including stereo radio ( pre-set to come on at 4:45pm every Saturday as you, of course, won't be at the game ).


SECOND PRIZE: One years supply of new design Manchester United shirts. These will be despatched to you weekly.


THIRD PRIZE: A complete supply of Manchester United programmes from the games that you have attended. Both will be sent in the same envelope.
Tie Breaker ( in no more than 12 words )


I feel it necessary to follow a football team that I have absolutely no connection with because: ...................................................................... ......................................................................
Name: ...........................
Address: ........................ ........................ ........................
Age:....... Mental Age:.......
As this page is about Manchester United and their supporters who are incredibly stupid I would like to point out that the above competition is a joke and should not be taken seriously!!

PS : I found it another page . I didn't own anything . Just sharing it with my readers  

EPL Top 7 Banter jokes of 2011

1. A police man found a guy climbing the walls of old trafford . . He caught him and send him back o watch the whole match .
( After man United (1-6 )defeat to mancity )

2. Hello AVB what's the MATA ? you guys look TERRYfived
( After 5-3 defeat of Chelsea against arsenal )

3. I really 8 2 be an arsenal fan now
(after 8-2 defeat of arsenal against man utd )

4. Dad - Man United knocked out by Barcelona again
Son - its Basel !
(after man United exit at UCL )

5 . WE lost bcoz The name BLACKburn offended and distracted us . The whole team is a racist - Evra
(after man Uniteds defeat against blackburn )

6. My Computer has David De Gea virus . It doesn't save anything

7. Who needs a theater of dreams when we have a crystal palace !
(after United's defeat against Crystal palace )

English Premier League : Worst XI of 2011

1. De Gea ( Goal Keeper ) - He might be young but he failed to deliver according to his reputation .

2. Jose Bosingwa ( Right Back ) - He might be good at attacking but he is never a good a defender . His team Chelsea had only 2 clean sheet while he is playing .

3. Johnny Evans ( Center back ) - He is a disaster for most part of the season . His sending off against city was just a glimpse of rather poor season from this Irish man .

4. David luiz ( center back ) - His Lapse of concentration is a major blow for Chelsea , Almost got sent off against Newcastle, Gifted a penalty for QPR and so many more .

5. Santos ( left Back ) - Another version of Bosingwa - too good at attacking too bad at defending  

6. Stewart Downing ( AML ) - 0 assists and 0 goals is not what Liverpool wants from their first team left winger . 

7. Arshavin ( AMC ) - Once a world class player . now a fringe player . The least said the more better .

8. Anderson (MC) - Stepped into the shoes of Paul Scholes and failed miserably. 

9. John obi Mikel (DMC) - Once a first team player now in the bench and soon out of the team .

10. Theo Walcott (AMR)- Inconsistency is the problem. plays like a champ one day  and simply lurk around the other .

11. Andy Carroll (STC)- 2 EPL goals and 0 assists for 35 Million  . Do I need to say more ? 

Andy Carroll or Fernando Torres . Which one is the real waste of money ?

Both of them Failed to perform as per their price tag

In 41 appearances for Chelsea (13 as sub) Fernando Torres had scored 5 goals . Andy Carroll has got 6 goals for Liverpool (33 apps) . But 3 out of six goals of Andy Carroll came against low profile oppositions .
Torres has 10 assists for Chelsea where as Carroll has none.


Chelsea paid 50 million for pricing out Nando from Liverpool . Torres performance for Chelsea was a real let down 5 goals &10 assists is not what Chelsea fans expecting from this former Ballon d'or runner up . The good thing is Torres still have the backing of Chelsea fans . But in Andy Carroll's case the scene is different . 35 million paid for a player ( ya he is young ) 6 goals and 0  assists which shows exactly how poor Carroll was for Liverpool. Even the Liverpool fans were frustrated with his performance for the team .


Financially Which deal is better 

Torres deal of 50 M  financially helped Chelsea a lot . Torres is the name that  most number of Chelsea fans request in their Replica shirts . Where as  Liverpool took a bloody gamble on signing Carroll . 35 million for a player who has a premier division experience of just 6 months. That gamble failed badly financially and performance wise . Torres deal helped to boost Chelsea's merchandising anot just in Asia but all across Asia. Sources show that the merchandising index between Torres and Carroll is 240 x . ie. 240 Torres replica kit / One Carrol replica kit  so far world wide . Chelsea got almost 48% of the money they invested on Torres within one year . 

Conclusion

Torres deal was the better deal among these two  .  ( Its an under statement ) 

Football Joke - Part 8 ( Liverpool 1 - 6 Man Utd )

Manchester United's march towards the Premiership title continued today with a stunning display at Old Trafford. The Super Reds went ahead just before the kick-off when Giggs was sent away down the left wing. His cross was handled on the half way line by a Liverpool defender and a penalty was awarded for this cynical foul. Wayne Rooney stepped up to slot the ball home for United's 33rd penalty of the season. It was no more than United deserved. 


The 15th minute saw the Super-Smashing Reds go two up after Steven Gerrard was penalised for coughing just outside the area. Luis Nani's resultant free kick was slightly miss-hit, but even if the keeper was not being pinned to the floor by Phil Jones, he would not have saved it. 2-0. It was no more than United deserved. 

The 21st minute saw more trouble for Liverpool when Steven Gerrard was sent-off for enquiring about the referee's Man United shirt. However two minutes after the interval Liverpool struck back after an amazing piece of good fortune. The referee's assistant could only parry Maxi Rodriguz' shot and Luiz Suarez thumped the ball home. Confusion reigned for 10 minutes as the entire Manchester United squad surrounded the referee, arguing that the referee's assistant had been fouled 15 minutes earlier. The referee grudgingly had to give the goal even though he racked his brain for a reason to disallow it. 

Alex Ferguson was furious and rushed down from his seat in the stand to the dugout, Fortunately, things settled down again as Hernandez took a long-range shot, which deflected off the corner flag but had clearly crossed the line, 3-1. It was no more than United deserved. 

Wayne Rooney slotted home number 4 from the penalty spot after Agger went down with a broken leg. Fortunately Valencia was nearby when it happened and, after running 50 yards, he was able to bring the incident to the referee's attention. Unfazed by Aggers's cynical tactics, protruding bone and spraying blood, the referee sent him off for diving (and time wasting) and awarded United the penalty. Ryan Giggs cheekily chipped the ball over the keeper and the crossbar, but the referee decided that it was a goal, because based on past records, Ryan Giggs rarely missed. 

When the final whistle went after 33 minutes of injury time, Liverpool traipsed off with their heads low, having been taught a footballing lesson by what is by far the greatest team the World has ever seen. As the losers hit the showers, a superb flowing movement by United culminated with a fine diving header by Alex Ferguson and it was 5-1. However the referee decided that it was such a good goal, it should count double. 

6-1 then - and it was no more than United deserved.

Football Jokes ~ Part 7 ( Andy Carroll edition )

# Why does Stewart Downing have 0 assists? 'Coz he only passes to Andy Carroll

# Aston villa rejected liverpool's (25million + andy carrol) bid for darren bent saying that they want only 25 million

# Kenny : " Andy Carrol is our wonder Boy . Everytime he plays I wonder why I signed him

# Liverpool Youngster Raheem Sterling Gets Two Women Pregnant In Two Weeks .

He should be a first team starter. It is clear to me that he scores more than Andy Carroll

#  "I am shocked and disappointed."
The Liverpool captain responds to news that Andy Carroll will not be sold in January


#  I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that."
"Fine," I said, "I want to die when Andy Carroll scores a hatrick ."
"You crafty Human!" said the fairy.

Football joke - Part 6 ( Fifa 12 edition )

1 . FIFA 12 achievement Unlocked  ~ Save a shot with De Gea

2. FIFA 12 achievement Unlocked  ~ stay on feet with Suarez

3. FIFA 12 achievement Unlocked ~ Score a goal with Torres ( beginner )

4. FIFA 12 achievement Unlocked  ~ Score a goal with Carrol ( Professional)

5. FIFA 12 achievement Unlocked  ~ Miss Like torres ( expert )

6. FIFA 12 achievement Unlocked  ~ defeat Barca with Man United

7. FIFA 12 achievement Unlocked ~ make a prono featuring giggs

8. FIFA 12 achievement Unlocked  ~ win champions league with Chelsea

9. FIFA 12 achievement Unlocked  ~ Win Epl with Liverpool

10. FIFA 12 achievement Unlocked ~ Win a Silverware with Arsenal  

11. FIFA 12 achievement Unlocked  ~ Catch a ball with Robert green 

Game modes

# Torres mode - Strikers cant score a goal

# De gea mode - Goal keepers dont save 

# Howard Webb mode - All refereeing decisions biased to Man united  

# Chris foy mode - Referees are blind 

# Downing mode ~ no goals or assists by your wingers

# Ferguson mode ~ injury time until you win 

# Wenger mode ~ Key players will leave you at the end of the season 

# Mancini mode ~ Unlimited transfer budget